Good Morning to all in Nanoland and beyond. Thanks to all the encouragement and tips, I'm now finding it fairly easy and very enjoyable to explore Nanowrimo. The best time for me to write is right now, early in the morning and it's a cathartic experience seeing how my character's deal with their emotions and desires in life. I never knew all that slightly darker, edgier side could be so much fun! And there's the softer side too.
Life is definitely changing again, whether it's the Nano month or simply time to move on, I'm getting more involved in certain aspects of life and letting others go. Like other writers, housework is becoming less and less interesting, though my house and other animals desire attention, I'd rather be doing the writing and assignments and other activities.
Certain of my wonderful girly friends also think it's time I started dating again, so dipping my toe bravely in the water and seeing where it goes. It gives up plenty of ideas to add into the writing mix, and I now have lovely Doctor Mike thinking it's time he found himself a lady to have some fun with! Bless him, I like Mike best of all the characters, he's funny and sweet.
So lots more exploring going on in Ellie's household. Time to move the bones and get dressed, as college calls this morning. The rain patters on the conservatory roof and life opens up a whole new range of interesting prospects for my day and the journey of the characters.
Happy writing,
Love Ellie xx
Wednesday 17 November 2010
Sunday 14 November 2010
Writing whatever the mood........
An interesting moment dawned on me yesterday. a Sunday that felt a bit of a struggle with interuptions and going with other people's wishes and desires. The writing was in tune with the mood, unsure of direction and lacking in any energy. Avoidance became the easiest way - what is it about resistance that convinces us it holds sway? ( I feel it now tugging at me, censor yourself, rather than open up and write what's really here).
I joined a friend and her family for tea and after the delicious meal and laughter over the spaghetti, we stood either side of the kitchen counter and unravelled our Nanowrimo efforts. It was a brilliant moment of clarity when she said to me "Write about what you are feeling right now. Give it to one of your characters and incorporate it into the story." Genius! I suddenly felt the freedom in that. When I arrived home, a new character duly appeared in the guise of the prevailing emotion and began to share her part in the story, giving clues and openings to one of the main characters traits and behaviour. There are now several pieces of paper beside me on the bed with ideas, clues, reasons stories might be rejected and conversations needed between characters. (Dialogue is not my strongest point, though you might not believe it from the way I can natter!)
The nugget here is the permission. Permission to write from whatever we're feeling. From anger. From frustration. From the utter despair of having to clean up after an elderly pet for the second or third time that week. From the blockage or resistance. Because by giving our characters a dose of these very real feelings, they become whole and human too. They each hold parts of the jigsaw yet to be revealed to the story and to the reader. Isn't that a great gift of life? We all hold bits of the jigsaw and when we share these with each other, we help to spark a new way of thinking and being that adds colour and interest and helps to work out the challenges that go on around us. A gift for us and for our characters as they develop and share their lives.
As the frost paints the rooftops and the mist descends on this November morning, wishing you an inspiring and warm start to the week.
Much love, Ellie x
An interesting moment dawned on me yesterday. a Sunday that felt a bit of a struggle with interuptions and going with other people's wishes and desires. The writing was in tune with the mood, unsure of direction and lacking in any energy. Avoidance became the easiest way - what is it about resistance that convinces us it holds sway? ( I feel it now tugging at me, censor yourself, rather than open up and write what's really here).
I joined a friend and her family for tea and after the delicious meal and laughter over the spaghetti, we stood either side of the kitchen counter and unravelled our Nanowrimo efforts. It was a brilliant moment of clarity when she said to me "Write about what you are feeling right now. Give it to one of your characters and incorporate it into the story." Genius! I suddenly felt the freedom in that. When I arrived home, a new character duly appeared in the guise of the prevailing emotion and began to share her part in the story, giving clues and openings to one of the main characters traits and behaviour. There are now several pieces of paper beside me on the bed with ideas, clues, reasons stories might be rejected and conversations needed between characters. (Dialogue is not my strongest point, though you might not believe it from the way I can natter!)
The nugget here is the permission. Permission to write from whatever we're feeling. From anger. From frustration. From the utter despair of having to clean up after an elderly pet for the second or third time that week. From the blockage or resistance. Because by giving our characters a dose of these very real feelings, they become whole and human too. They each hold parts of the jigsaw yet to be revealed to the story and to the reader. Isn't that a great gift of life? We all hold bits of the jigsaw and when we share these with each other, we help to spark a new way of thinking and being that adds colour and interest and helps to work out the challenges that go on around us. A gift for us and for our characters as they develop and share their lives.
As the frost paints the rooftops and the mist descends on this November morning, wishing you an inspiring and warm start to the week.
Much love, Ellie x
I'm having a few tears this morning listening to Abide With Me on Good Morning Sunday. It's Rememberance Sunday, and a good day to give gratitude for so many things. I ring my lovely Mum to see how she is (she's not been at all well this week) and she is doing so well and we share her friend's brilliant idea of making Christmas easier for her.
I'm nearly in the middle of Nanowrimo, the National Novel Writing Month that has so many of us writing like crazy to achieve the goal of 50,000 words. I'm really pleased with getting so far and though words are lagging a little, it's so worthwhile keeping going to learn so much. It's keeping me on track with other tasks in life (college asisgnments, Christmas and cooking to name but a few). I've discovered my best times for writing are very first and very last thing. There is flexibility in the order of writing, whatever pops in to be attended to are the words that flow, whether they come in the middle or at the end.
Today the characters tell me they're not speaking nearly enough with each other, so it will be very interesting to see what else they share. This process is an unravelling, expansive world all of it's own, that comes through the hands, but is not of me somehow. After going to a mind mapping workshop this week, is it the great sub-conscious speaking? And just how much of that do we share with others?
Going now to catch up on those 600 words owed from yesterday, to look after the lovely chocolate labrador who is not well either and to give thanks for so much richness in every area of my life and remembering those who have given so much to care for us all.
Happy, gratitutde filled Sunday,
Love Ellie xx
I'm nearly in the middle of Nanowrimo, the National Novel Writing Month that has so many of us writing like crazy to achieve the goal of 50,000 words. I'm really pleased with getting so far and though words are lagging a little, it's so worthwhile keeping going to learn so much. It's keeping me on track with other tasks in life (college asisgnments, Christmas and cooking to name but a few). I've discovered my best times for writing are very first and very last thing. There is flexibility in the order of writing, whatever pops in to be attended to are the words that flow, whether they come in the middle or at the end.
Today the characters tell me they're not speaking nearly enough with each other, so it will be very interesting to see what else they share. This process is an unravelling, expansive world all of it's own, that comes through the hands, but is not of me somehow. After going to a mind mapping workshop this week, is it the great sub-conscious speaking? And just how much of that do we share with others?
Going now to catch up on those 600 words owed from yesterday, to look after the lovely chocolate labrador who is not well either and to give thanks for so much richness in every area of my life and remembering those who have given so much to care for us all.
Happy, gratitutde filled Sunday,
Love Ellie xx
Thursday 16 September 2010
Everyone's making meatballs....
It's a fact, I'm surrounded by meatball lovers. The kids came in from work yesterday, discovered there was fish for tea (yuck) and promptly went out to buy the ingredients to cook meatballs. I was treated to a dish as I was watching The Great British Bakeoff (what it is about a tough-talking silver fox that I find so attractive??) and the cat finished the rest (of the meatballs, not the silver fox).
A little earlier, the doorbell went and I recognised my lovely neighbour on the other side of the glass. In she came asking for an onion.........you've guessed it, to cook meatballs. We laughed, chatted and she went away with onions, apples and a promise of coffee to catch up on all our creative projects.
Yesterday was official *first day at work in a very long time* too. When I say work, I mean out there in a more conventional place than I'm used to. It was like going home, just with extra scary technology! The brain will soon catch up and everyone was lovely, especially the young people, who are sweet, funny and accepting. I learned such a lot and realise I have many more skills and understanding to offer now. Discovered another course I'd like to do. The abundant Universe is being very generous indeed in that department. Within a year, I will be a rag-rugging-cupcake-baking-singer-songwriting-nature-loving-meridian-tapping-poetry-writing-teaching assistant. Phew! What an interesting life.
Have a fascinating day on planet earth,
Love Ellie x
A little earlier, the doorbell went and I recognised my lovely neighbour on the other side of the glass. In she came asking for an onion.........you've guessed it, to cook meatballs. We laughed, chatted and she went away with onions, apples and a promise of coffee to catch up on all our creative projects.
Yesterday was official *first day at work in a very long time* too. When I say work, I mean out there in a more conventional place than I'm used to. It was like going home, just with extra scary technology! The brain will soon catch up and everyone was lovely, especially the young people, who are sweet, funny and accepting. I learned such a lot and realise I have many more skills and understanding to offer now. Discovered another course I'd like to do. The abundant Universe is being very generous indeed in that department. Within a year, I will be a rag-rugging-cupcake-baking-singer-songwriting-nature-loving-meridian-tapping-poetry-writing-teaching assistant. Phew! What an interesting life.
Have a fascinating day on planet earth,
Love Ellie x
Tuesday 14 September 2010
Tucked up in bed with the laptop
I'm taking it a little easy this morning - my body grumbles with a bit of a cold and Chris Evans chunters quietly in the background, he is informative and funny most of the time. The dampness outside the window says stay put a little longer, enjoy the time to write and explore.
I dreamt of my ex last night, so clearly. He was with me, in the best way possible, holding me and saying all the things I've longed for over the last twenty one months. The beauty of it happening this way, is that I don't actually have to go back there and attempt the untangling I tried to achieve for so long, it's a natural part of the ending and I accept it as such. I wonder what the rules of contact are after the divorce becomes final, and realise I'm free to make my own decisions. There are no rules, only the ones that feel right for me. If I wish to send an occasional email to say Hi, how are you? it's ok. Whether he replies or not is up to him. I'm free to express myself, free to fly, free to be me.
Inside I buzz with excitement at all the possibilities of the new life I'm exploring. The writing, singing, work, college, social life, the list grows and goes on and on.... Time now to do a little work, in the comfort of my snuggly white quilt, low-flying pigeons scooting outside the window and the leaves turning slowly gold for autumn. I listen to soulful lyrics on the radio and think I've moved on quite a lot - the singer says he's chasing rainbows all the time, but aren't we all? It's an essential part of being human.
May all your rainbows be golden today,
With love, Ellie xx
I dreamt of my ex last night, so clearly. He was with me, in the best way possible, holding me and saying all the things I've longed for over the last twenty one months. The beauty of it happening this way, is that I don't actually have to go back there and attempt the untangling I tried to achieve for so long, it's a natural part of the ending and I accept it as such. I wonder what the rules of contact are after the divorce becomes final, and realise I'm free to make my own decisions. There are no rules, only the ones that feel right for me. If I wish to send an occasional email to say Hi, how are you? it's ok. Whether he replies or not is up to him. I'm free to express myself, free to fly, free to be me.
Inside I buzz with excitement at all the possibilities of the new life I'm exploring. The writing, singing, work, college, social life, the list grows and goes on and on.... Time now to do a little work, in the comfort of my snuggly white quilt, low-flying pigeons scooting outside the window and the leaves turning slowly gold for autumn. I listen to soulful lyrics on the radio and think I've moved on quite a lot - the singer says he's chasing rainbows all the time, but aren't we all? It's an essential part of being human.
May all your rainbows be golden today,
With love, Ellie xx
Saturday 11 September 2010
Stats and Vows
Aren't brains wonderful things?? Complex computers with multi-tasking capabilities. I'm watching bits of mine as it jumps from one thread to another - the bags under my eye, where the strange ice-cream-van alarm sounding at 8am came from, really ought to get up and move about, wanting to talk to a friend, going for a walk this morning, must ring mum, time for breakfast *gurgles* and the biggest vow I'm breaking (though not really). And all that in the same few seconds! No wonder you're a crazy mixed up kid *laughing*.
It was so good to be back at writing class yesterday. Warm, lovely people, Jayne's excitement, listening, sharing, inspiring. I was tired when I got back and after a rest, collected and delivered books to a very busy cafe. It was then the vow breaking bit hit me. It was huge and all-encompassing, though not of me, if that makes any sense, I could feel it's vastness around me. There's work to be done here, I'm not breaking my vow, in the sense that love continues, certain and unseparated. The best way to describe it right now is that those eight or so skittles out of ten that are standing tall again, about three of them have wobbled and lie in a heap on top of one another. The button has been pushed to ask them to stand tall again, and they struggle and ease themselves back into alignment. It still takes my breath away, the power of the feeling. Healing takes time and courage.
Courage this morning not to duck back under the duvet (I do have a pile of very good books :-) but rather to stretch, sing and dance as breakfast arrives in the bowl by the magic of Oatibix, nuts, seeds, fruit and probiotic yoghurt. (healthy after eating egg and chips last night!) and thinking of all the lovely supportive, clever, vibrant people around me who are part of my world.
My wishes for the weekend are to get online and do the exercises there that help, for Lewis or Jensen to win the Grand Prix, for my lovely family to keep on being happy and creative, to walk with friends through the trees and to find peace with the threads of an unbroken vow.
The stats say that people in Alaska and the USA have looked at my blog. Incredible! I'd love to cruise up to Alaska, watching the water for whales and ice.
Enjoy the weekend,
Ellie xx
It was so good to be back at writing class yesterday. Warm, lovely people, Jayne's excitement, listening, sharing, inspiring. I was tired when I got back and after a rest, collected and delivered books to a very busy cafe. It was then the vow breaking bit hit me. It was huge and all-encompassing, though not of me, if that makes any sense, I could feel it's vastness around me. There's work to be done here, I'm not breaking my vow, in the sense that love continues, certain and unseparated. The best way to describe it right now is that those eight or so skittles out of ten that are standing tall again, about three of them have wobbled and lie in a heap on top of one another. The button has been pushed to ask them to stand tall again, and they struggle and ease themselves back into alignment. It still takes my breath away, the power of the feeling. Healing takes time and courage.
Courage this morning not to duck back under the duvet (I do have a pile of very good books :-) but rather to stretch, sing and dance as breakfast arrives in the bowl by the magic of Oatibix, nuts, seeds, fruit and probiotic yoghurt. (healthy after eating egg and chips last night!) and thinking of all the lovely supportive, clever, vibrant people around me who are part of my world.
My wishes for the weekend are to get online and do the exercises there that help, for Lewis or Jensen to win the Grand Prix, for my lovely family to keep on being happy and creative, to walk with friends through the trees and to find peace with the threads of an unbroken vow.
The stats say that people in Alaska and the USA have looked at my blog. Incredible! I'd love to cruise up to Alaska, watching the water for whales and ice.
Enjoy the weekend,
Ellie xx
Thursday 9 September 2010
An end or a new beginning?
6.30am on Friday morning. Writing is such a useful tool for the overactive imagination. After seeing my ex yesterday, sleep has been somewhat elusive. I send him an email out into the ether. I saw all the emotion he kept inside and that is so hard, because I wanted it to come out in front of me. I had bought the bread, the sliced chicken and fresh milk for his coffee. I wanted to ask him in for lunch. I saw that he couldn't do it and understood. I can't go into Dorwyn right now, it would crack me wide open. Do we both perceive we have the life the other wanted? I'm aware one of my patterns is to think there's a better life, over there somewhere and I'm learning to value and be content with the one I have.
Rooting myself here and spending precious time with my son and my Mum is important right now. One will leave home soon and the other.......I have no idea of the time we have left to enjoy and we have had so many special times this year. She is still learning and growing and gives me so much support and unconditional love. Let's face it, she couldn't have a much more unconventional daughter at times!
Yes, I'm learning to love all those bits of me too. I accept the drama part of me and moderate her more when necessary. I accept I feel very deeply. I accept I need to creatively express myself. I embrace all the opportunities opening up to learn to put these facets to the best use possible. I'm becoming the student I always wanted to be. The degree is a lifelong learning one and I follow it's flow with fascination. And gratitude. I have so much and appreciate love is expressed in many ways, not just by being in a relationship with a man. In fact, that is restricting in some ways for me right now, because let's be honest, their needs often are acknowledged first in any relationship, that's the way it is. Their work, their hobbies, they will go and do anyway, leaving us to support them and tidy up after them. That's non-judgemental, just honest.
I'm learning to look after me. It's valuable work. I'm thankful to have wonderful grounded friends who are more practical than I am about certain matters. I explore by talking, thinking and taking action, I'm taking more time between some of these events. Diving off at tangents is not always productive, however tantalising they may seem, because I often have to find my way back across the rocky path to the centre. The evening out of those jagged behaviours leads to a more peaceful life for me and those around me.
I have so much gratitude to my marriage. This has been expressed. I will stay here and grow until I feel ready to venture over to Wales again and paddle my feet in the water on that very special beach. The one that embraces me, challenges me, where the winds sweeps away the debris to the very heart of my connection to the raw life force in all it's elemental glory. It's there waiting...........always.
Love Ellie x
Rooting myself here and spending precious time with my son and my Mum is important right now. One will leave home soon and the other.......I have no idea of the time we have left to enjoy and we have had so many special times this year. She is still learning and growing and gives me so much support and unconditional love. Let's face it, she couldn't have a much more unconventional daughter at times!
Yes, I'm learning to love all those bits of me too. I accept the drama part of me and moderate her more when necessary. I accept I feel very deeply. I accept I need to creatively express myself. I embrace all the opportunities opening up to learn to put these facets to the best use possible. I'm becoming the student I always wanted to be. The degree is a lifelong learning one and I follow it's flow with fascination. And gratitude. I have so much and appreciate love is expressed in many ways, not just by being in a relationship with a man. In fact, that is restricting in some ways for me right now, because let's be honest, their needs often are acknowledged first in any relationship, that's the way it is. Their work, their hobbies, they will go and do anyway, leaving us to support them and tidy up after them. That's non-judgemental, just honest.
I'm learning to look after me. It's valuable work. I'm thankful to have wonderful grounded friends who are more practical than I am about certain matters. I explore by talking, thinking and taking action, I'm taking more time between some of these events. Diving off at tangents is not always productive, however tantalising they may seem, because I often have to find my way back across the rocky path to the centre. The evening out of those jagged behaviours leads to a more peaceful life for me and those around me.
I have so much gratitude to my marriage. This has been expressed. I will stay here and grow until I feel ready to venture over to Wales again and paddle my feet in the water on that very special beach. The one that embraces me, challenges me, where the winds sweeps away the debris to the very heart of my connection to the raw life force in all it's elemental glory. It's there waiting...........always.
Love Ellie x
Monday 5 July 2010
Quiet times.......
Ellie is a bit quiet at present. She has much on her mind, her plate and her heart is a little shaky. She's in need of the tenderest loving care possible and the courage to nurture herself there. She's come a long, long way and sadly her writing days are shorter than she planned. But hey, wait a moment, she is still here and writing, right now! Something good must be going on.
She's recovering well. Her body is slowly responding. She took a short drive, a short walk and some serious tree-hugging activities went on in the park this morning. It even helps to talk about herself in the third person. Maybe a trick to writing more often! We will observe, quietly as time goes by and how she fluffs herself back up again and takes her place in the hurly-burly, exciting, creative writing world. It all takes a little more time than she planned, but what is time anyway? A question for another day I think, after Ellie takes a snooze and restores order to her family and other animals............
With love and appreciation, Ellie x
She's recovering well. Her body is slowly responding. She took a short drive, a short walk and some serious tree-hugging activities went on in the park this morning. It even helps to talk about herself in the third person. Maybe a trick to writing more often! We will observe, quietly as time goes by and how she fluffs herself back up again and takes her place in the hurly-burly, exciting, creative writing world. It all takes a little more time than she planned, but what is time anyway? A question for another day I think, after Ellie takes a snooze and restores order to her family and other animals............
With love and appreciation, Ellie x
Wednesday 16 June 2010
The waiting words.......
The adventure continues, life flowing and the opening and learning that comes with it. I think my brain has been so tired and so tied up that as it gently comes to life once more, the words begin to take shape and express themselves freely. A workshop on Sunday with India Grey, the Mills and Boon author, so full of positivity and delight with her writing life, has me thinking romantic thoughts (I think them most of the time to be honest, so why not write about them?) I am doing the exercises and it's surprising what emerges, two characters arriving on the page, though I confess I'm afraid to continue today. The sun is shining, I was due to work in the forest, but find myself in need of the quiet space home provides to do some physical clearing up and then some writing before meeting a fellow-writer for lunch.
Or do I have this the wrong way around? To go and sit down and continue writing, then take a break would probably have me feeling better. I can write a love scene from my frustrated space and wouldn't it be more interesting and have more edge because I feel this way?
How do I begin to write without myself being involved? Or is there always an element of the writer themself present on the page? I will splurge, calm down and ask my characters to talk with me. Open up a real conversation where they tell me their secrets and share what's in their hearts. Then maybe I'll uncover what's in mine.
With love and inspiration, Ellie x
Or do I have this the wrong way around? To go and sit down and continue writing, then take a break would probably have me feeling better. I can write a love scene from my frustrated space and wouldn't it be more interesting and have more edge because I feel this way?
How do I begin to write without myself being involved? Or is there always an element of the writer themself present on the page? I will splurge, calm down and ask my characters to talk with me. Open up a real conversation where they tell me their secrets and share what's in their hearts. Then maybe I'll uncover what's in mine.
With love and inspiration, Ellie x
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