Tuesday, 14 September 2010

Tucked up in bed with the laptop

I'm taking it a little easy this morning - my body grumbles with a bit of a cold and Chris Evans chunters quietly in the background, he is informative and funny most of the time. The dampness outside the window says stay put a little longer, enjoy the time to write and explore.

I dreamt of my ex last night, so clearly. He was with me, in the best way possible, holding me and saying all the things I've longed for over the last twenty one months. The beauty of it happening this way, is that I don't actually have to go back there and attempt the untangling I tried to achieve for so long, it's a natural part of the ending and I accept it as such. I wonder what the rules of contact are after the divorce becomes final, and realise I'm free to make my own decisions. There are no rules, only the ones that feel right for me. If I wish to send an occasional email to say Hi, how are you? it's ok. Whether he replies or not is up to him. I'm free to express myself, free to fly, free to be me.

Inside I buzz with excitement at all the possibilities of the new life I'm exploring. The writing, singing, work, college, social life, the list grows and goes on and on.... Time now to do a little work, in the comfort of my snuggly white quilt, low-flying pigeons scooting outside the window and the leaves turning slowly gold for autumn. I listen to soulful lyrics on the radio and think I've moved on quite a lot - the singer says he's chasing rainbows all the time, but aren't we all? It's an essential part of being human.
May all your rainbows be golden today,
With love, Ellie xx

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